The fall light is gorgeous! We've taken lots of sun baths to soak in the autumn rays. We take little Jebers out and expose his birthday suit to the sun. He loves it!
The sun is just coming up this morning. No, we don't live in the country or in a particularly beautiful place, but there is still beauty all around. And it's nice to have kind of settled in here for a bit. We know the ward and neighbors better. The kids have tons of friends. Of course, you know me...adventure and change calls. The country also beckons me constantly, but I know Heavenly Father wants us here for now. He will guide us to where we are to be. Maybe that will be here forever, only He knows. If that is the case that's fine, I'll find ways to bring the country and adventure here.
I read a quote from President Joseph Fielding Smith:
"One thing...that I would like to call attention to--young people, when they marry, are not satisfied to begin with a little and humbly, but they want to receive just about as much as their parents have a t the time they, the children, get married...They want to start out with every convenience under the sun to make them comfortable. I think this is a mistake. I think they should begin humbly, putting their faith in the Lord, building here a little and there a little as they can, accumulating piecemeal, until they can reach a position of prosperity such as they wish to have."
Boy, that is how we have been living. We aren't newly weds, but we are still living like newly weds. In fact, when our children marry they will probably have a higher standard of living than we do. They won't be sharing one bathroom with 11 people.
We have been so blessed. Our every need is met and many, many of our wants. But Satan wants us to compare ourselves to each other. He wants to discourage us and make us feel like failures one way or another. I can't allow myself to fall for this trick. I am a daughter of God; I can do what He needs me to do.
By the time my parents were my age they had a farm, a large house, my conveniences (dishwasher, tractor, multiple bathrooms, etc.), three vehicles, money for trips, etc. Sometimes I think I am failing because I don't have the material things my parents did at my age or even close. But then I have to remember that's not what determines success. I also have to remember the miserable times they went through because of all that stuff. They had to work constantly and were under enormous pressure and stress. Depression, contention, and anxiety were terrible companions during those years for my parents. So I'm so grateful we live a much simpler, more peaceful life.
Still my parents did amazing things, helped many people along the way, loved their large family, and raised us unto the Lord. So even without the material comparison I feel like I don't come close to measuring up. My mom had served as Primary and Relief Society president and in lots of other intense callings. She played the piano, sewed our clothes, decorated for birthdays and holidays, and did a million other things, none of which I do. My dad had been in several bishoprics and leadership positions. They always got there visiting and home teaching done. They went on many trips with their siblings and neighbors and together. They ran multiple successful, small businesses. They homeschooled their eight children. They built there own, huge, amazing house and put in their own gorgeous yard. They fixed equipment, farmed, worked over time all the time, and still found time to talk with us and read to us. All this by the time they was 37 (my age now). Amazing!
I can compare myself and feel like a total failure! Everyday I feel overwhelmed by my little life. I've never worked in leadership in the church. I don't how in the world I would fit another thing into my life. My sweet children keep me going, so do the never ending dishes. All the stupid little things (like finding time to shower and curl my hair with a baby) about crush me. I'm sick of feeling like a failure!! I grow less confident every passing year. I used to be so confident. But I will stop comparing and just live my life the best I can. And whether I feel like I'm failing or succeeding I will scatter sunshine! I will speak with the tongue of angels and do my best to love others well. I don't have time to let the enemy of my soul discourage or distract me!
This entry has been ambivalent. Life is like that. Good competing with evil. I must only feed the good feelings inside and starve the bad. I'm grateful Heavenly Father helps me sort things out and gives me peace when I truly turn to Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment