Hard Night

Last night the only thing that would give a bit of comfort to my itchy body was walking.  So I walked about 9 miles.  My whole body was so tired, but every time I tried to lie down I couldn't take the itching.  So finally at 1am I was able to get some relief from a hot bath (which in the long run probably makes the itching worse).  Then I could sleep for an hour at a time.  I guess that was enough, because I'm up and functioning this morning.  I'm grateful Heavenly Father is blessing me with enough energy to take care of my family.

Jaremy had to stay an extra day in New York.  This is also a blessing in a way.  At least he could sleep in a quiet hotel without a wife tossing and turning and getting up and down throughout the night.  I feel so bad when I fatigue the two of us.

Benjamin has been reading "Lone "Survivor"  about a Navy SEAL story.  He has told us about how when things are tough for them in training or on a mission they have to stay in the moment.  Deal with the agony one breath at a time.  Not think about past or future suffering, just focus on the present.  So I've been trying to do that when I feel like I'd like to just numb my entire body for the next four weeks.  Just one breath at a time.  Just one step at a time.  I pray for Heavenly Father's strength to help me get through this.  It's not Navy SEAL training, but it is extremely difficult for me.

Deep Relaxation

Finally, after a fitful night I was able to fall into a deep sleep around 4:30am.  So when I woke up 2.5 hours later I felt so relaxed and good.  My legs were comfortable and I wasn't itching.  So I thought it would be the perfect time to practice my hypnobirthing recordings.  It was.  I was able to stay so calm and comfortable.  I'm grateful Heavenly Father gives me respites from discomfort, pain, and itching.  I'm grateful He won't ask me to do anything that is too hard for me.  If I can just remember that when I feel like it is too hard.  Heavenly Father is just helping me stretch.  He will only give me what I can handle even if I think I can't He knows I can.  I just need to be submissive and humble.  I also am grateful for this opportunity to really try to eat and exercise right.  

Only One Month Left

The last half of my pregnancy has arrived.  I'm so excited to meet this little guy!  I'm going to exercise and eat perfectly so I can be more healthy and comfortable during this last stretch.  When I'm itchy, breathless, twitchy, or in pain I'm going to focus on the beauty and wonder around me.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be a mother in Zion.  Sometimes that means going through some discomfort and fatigue (or a lot) to help these little ones into and through mortality.  I am grateful I get to be the one that is close to them and can enable them.  I love my little ones so much!  They are worth any sacrifice!

Learning Compassion

I went to the doctor yesterday.  I came away so frustrated.  I have had a real hard time just getting through hour by hour.  Pain, itching, restlessness, breathlessness, fear, and tons of discomfort makes the last part of pregnancy almost enough to drive me insane.  I need to be more submissive and selfless.  I need to remember why I'm challenged.  There's actually a baby in there.  I'm not just hurting without a reason.

I've oversensitive lately because I'm pregnant and experiencing things that are pushing me to the end of my strength and endurance.  It's good though!  Pain and suffering can make one tough and compassionate.  I hope I can learn that and not just go through it.  I hope I will be a bit more compassionate and sympathetic to those around me.  I hope I can be less selfish and more concerned about others.  Besides Heavenly Father blesses me with recesses from pain and discomfort.  It is not constant.  I can get to sleep eventually and can feel comforted.

When I am experiencing pain I often feel angry, self-centered, and sorry for myself.  This is pathetic!  I pray I can be more submissive and meek.  I pray I can think of others instead of myself.  I really don't have it that hard.  Others suffer infinitely more.  I pray I can go through whatever Heavenly Father asks me to with love and meekness.  Heavenly Father can help change my heart.  For this I'm grateful.

California Trip

Jaremy was able to take the three oldest on a business trip with him to California this week.  They are going to have such a great time and make memories to last forever.  I'm so glad Jaremy was able to do this.  Heavenly Father has blessed our family with an awesome husband and father leading our family.

Today I get to go to the doctor and see how things are progressing.  The end of pregnancy is so difficult.  I just need to be submissive and humble and roll with the punches.  I need to be strong, selfless, and patient.  I pray Heavenly Father will help me become closer to Him and more like Him through this experience.

Irrigation Agreement

Jaremy and I always differ in how we want to plant and irrigate the garden.  This year we both tried to understand what the other thought and felt.  We came up with a better plan than either one of us had had previously.  It is going to be the best garden ever!  And probably one of our biggest.  I'm so grateful Heavenly Father helps us find peace as we slow down and take the time to sincerely understand and care about one another.

Garden

Today we are going to weed and plant the early garden stuff!  I'm so excited!  I love gardening!  It will be a little more difficult to bend down and such, but I have a ton of help from the kids and Jaremy.  I'm so grateful Heavenly Father blesses us with sunny, gardening days!  I'm getting hungry just thinking about all the veggies and fruit we are going to plant!

Today I have laid down the law about what needs to be done before breakfast.  We have had the age old problem of motivation around here, so we are becoming more disciplined.  Everyone must have their chore charts, sunshine jobs, and homemaking jobs done before eating.  They must also have story/song time, scripture reading, memorizing passages, and workout done before breakfast.  I'm feeling a little faint myself this morning, but I don't care!  We must stay focused and get things done!