Pay Checks

I'm so grateful for a regular pay check. We had the added expenses of registering for school and all the uniforms and supplies that go with that. Today I went grocery shopping and back-to-school shopping and was able to get what we needed and a bit.  Heavenly Father has blessed us so much!

Measuring Up

Postpartum depression is a struggle for me sometimes.  I am so glad to have a new, sweet baby, so it's not that.  I love my children, family, and life, so it is not that either.  I feel so guilty about feeling overwhelmed and drained.  I have to combat negative self-talk that tells me lies about my self-worth, about my abilities, about my body, about my worthiness, etc.  I have a hard time dealing with, "Mommie, this..." and "Mommie, that..."  I feel guilty when I am holding the baby that I'm not working.  I feel guilty when I working that I'm not holding the baby.  Some of my children have been acting up lately.  This just makes me feel worse that I am not meeting their needs for attention, training, and love.  I have to really fight the feelings that I am failing, that I'm fat and ugly, that it is no use and just impossible.  I have to constantly suppress my temper.  

I know that having a new baby to care for is physically and emotionally exhausting.  I'm grateful for all the help I have.  I have the same feelings I did when the older children were babies, but I'm am dealing with it better.  I do break down and yell (or lecture on end), but it is much less likely and more quickly corrected.  I know from experience how to deal with painful, destructive thoughts.  I know how to count my blessings and feel comfort.  I am grateful for the opportunity these feelings give me to turn to the Lord.  No, I have not been blessed with relief from negative thoughts and doubts.  But I have faith that if I keep on doing my best and not give up the Lord will bless my little family with success.  That my diligent efforts will be enough with the Lord's help.  So I will continue this battle for as long as it takes.  I will replace negative thoughts with thoughts of success and love.  I will talk with more love and patience.  I will sing His praises.  Eventually their will be light at the end of the tunnel.  Until then I will I will grasp His hand and move myself and my little brood forward in faith.  

Quiet Morning

Jebers slept 9 and a half hours last night!!!!! I felt so good I got up at 5:30am.  After I got ready I went out into a quiet, warm, cloudy morning.  It was beautiful! I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for a sweet baby who is learning to sleep at night, a restful sleep, and a beautiful morning!

Financial Opportunities

I'm grateful Heavenly Father is giving us the opportunity to learn how to make money and save money and resources.  I know He will help us sacrifice to keep His commandments.  I hope I can follow the prophet and do what it takes to get out of debt and get our year's supply of the basics.  Right now we are in trouble, but the Lord will bless us as we sacrifice and work like crazy.

Jeber's First Campout

We took the family camping last weekend.  We had fun going a short hike, swimming a bit in Jordanelle Reservoir, sleeping in tents, and enjoying campfires.  Pretty low key!

I feel I am struggling with productivity.  Of course, being pregnant or having a new baby makes getting things done a bit harder.  But eternal beings are worth it.  I just have to figure out how to fit more in and not be an example of sluggishness.

I'm grateful Heavenly Father is helping me change my perspective about life.  A little at a time, imperceptibly I have become more aware of the eternal plan in our everyday lives.  I pray Heavenly Father will help me love more selflessly and serve more eagerly.

Lawerences Visit

Our dear friends the Lawerences from Paradise came to visit yesterday for the afternoon and evening.  They are so much fun to be around.  Whenever Nikki and I get a chance to visit I am inspired by her commitment to her family (immediate, extended, and chosen), friends, and the Lord.  She has gone through so much, but has chosen to make her challenges into assets.  I'm grateful for her friendship.  The Lord blesses us with dear friends that are truly our spirit brothers and sisters.

Ebola Threat

These are the last days.  There are so many ways we could all be annihilated: ebola, nuclear bomb, famine, biological weapons, gangs, EMP, earthquake, etc., etc. But I'm not afraid.  The Lord has blessed us with the knowledge of His plan.  If we suffer he will comfort us; it is a chance to become closer to Him and more like Him.  If we die we know things will be wonderful on the other side.  We will have lots of chances to share comfort, the gospel, and our love.  I pray I can be worthy of the Lord's help and guidance.  That is about all we have to worry about.  And in my case that's plenty.

Jaremy's Job

Tons of things are changing at Goal Zero for Jaremy; he just doesn't know what they are yet.  So it is a bit stressful!  Jaremy seems to be upset about some things at work.  He seems to have lost excitement and motivation for his job.  I hope he can find something that makes him excited and makes a ton of money.  Maybe someday we will start a family business.  Maybe we will own a goat dairy, a construction firm, or a design/engineering firm.  I wish we had more courage or maybe it's not that; we have too much sense.  Supporting such a large family with only one income is a huge responsibility.  Expenses will only increase.  The opportunities that we thought Goal Zero would provide are quickly not panning out.  I'm excited to see what we can do next.  I'm excited to learn new things and experience new things.  However, Jaremy doesn't share my excitement.  He feels the heavy responsibility of putting bread on the table.  I want to help ease his burdens.  I pray Heavenly Father will bless my little efforts and Jaremy's.  I know He will.  He always cares for us.