Boredom

I've never been so bored in my life.  Boredom is a sign of stupidity and selfishness.  Nevertheless, I can't seem to shake it.  All my goals and ambitions aren't exciting anymore, in fact, they are annoying.  I hate my lists.  I usually love lists.  Maybe I'm just tired and pregnant; I don't know. But I want this hopeless, nasty feeling to go away.  I don't like crying, but I've been doing a fair share of that.  Even gardening, which usually thrills me, is just okay.  Financial stress, sleepless nights, crazy legs, and an absent husband are all adding up I guess.  Sometimes I feel the Lord isn't as close as I'd like, but that is my fault.  If I wasn't so grumpy with the kids, if I wasn't so ungrateful, if I wasn't so tired I could feel His Spirit more.  So I will try to speak with the tongue of angels.  I will try to think of the amazing blessing I have instead of financial worries.  I will cut off my legs so they won't drive me crazy.  This will also allow me to sleep.  I will try to help others more instead of being bored.  I hope these things will help because like I said in my last entry, something has to change or I'm going to go insane!

I'm grateful I know Heavenly Father is aware of my challenges.  I'm grateful that if I live worthy of His Spirit He will bless me and I won't feel alone and miserable.