Jessica's 17th Birthday

I can't believe Jessica is already 17.  She is so wonderful!  She is such a blessing in all of our lives.  She is sweet, thoughtful, self-motivated, selfless, talented, brilliant, organized, righteous, beautiful, funny, full of purpose, and just wonderful.  She is fun to be around.  She is so kind!  She is perfectly capable of being a wife and mother, even at 17.  This is because she is very talented, mature, spiritual, and knows she is a daughter of God.  She loves to serve others all the time.  She is very Christlike!  Our family (and many others) are so blessed to know her.  I thank Heavenly Father all the time for sending us sweet Jessica!

Restless Legs

My restless legs have been driving me insane!  I've tried everything I could think of.  Then I decided to cut out all refined sugars, corn syrup, and such.  In just two days it has made a huge difference!  I am continuing my experiment for two weeks.  If it continues to work I will keep it up.  I'm so grateful for a reasonable night's sleep last night.  I was still uncomfortable because I'm seven months pregnant, but at least I could sleep in peace.  I'm grateful Heavenly Father has answered my prayers and given me ideas to help my legs.  Hopefully, it will help my excessive weight gain as well.

The Spirit of the Lord

Yesterday started out blah and boring.  However, as I did my visiting teaching, served neighbors, attended the temple, and tried to think of and pray for others things changed.  The Spirit of the Lord could be felt.  I wasn't bored or miserable.  In fact, my usual excitement returned.  It was easy to be grateful and happy.  I'm so grateful Heavenly Father is teaching me.  I pray my skull isn't too thick.   I'm so grateful Heavenly Father gives us chances to change.  I pray I can go around like an angel today and help my family and others.

Boredom

I've never been so bored in my life.  Boredom is a sign of stupidity and selfishness.  Nevertheless, I can't seem to shake it.  All my goals and ambitions aren't exciting anymore, in fact, they are annoying.  I hate my lists.  I usually love lists.  Maybe I'm just tired and pregnant; I don't know. But I want this hopeless, nasty feeling to go away.  I don't like crying, but I've been doing a fair share of that.  Even gardening, which usually thrills me, is just okay.  Financial stress, sleepless nights, crazy legs, and an absent husband are all adding up I guess.  Sometimes I feel the Lord isn't as close as I'd like, but that is my fault.  If I wasn't so grumpy with the kids, if I wasn't so ungrateful, if I wasn't so tired I could feel His Spirit more.  So I will try to speak with the tongue of angels.  I will try to think of the amazing blessing I have instead of financial worries.  I will cut off my legs so they won't drive me crazy.  This will also allow me to sleep.  I will try to help others more instead of being bored.  I hope these things will help because like I said in my last entry, something has to change or I'm going to go insane!

I'm grateful I know Heavenly Father is aware of my challenges.  I'm grateful that if I live worthy of His Spirit He will bless me and I won't feel alone and miserable.

Something's Gonna Change

Jaremy's job has been insane.  He works around the clock.  Even when he is home his mind isn't. Even if they were paying him what we need it wouldn't be worth it because of the hours and stress. But he is getting paid squat.  I understand it is a small company, but he can't afford to work like a mad man just to be nice.  So we are going to start looking for other jobs.  Hopefully, GoalZero will be able to afford to keep him.  We need a dramatic, huge salary increase.  If not we will find some business that can afford him.  We are willing to move about anywhere, so that will increase our job market opportunities.  Or maybe Jaremy can get a low stress, 40 hour job for the same pay he is getting now.  If we worked 2 of those he would still be working less hours than now and would be getting paid double.  That's about how much of an increase we are looking for.  Or he could work one normal job and run his own business on the side.  Either way, less hours, tons more money.  But we are going to be patient with his current job.  He enjoys the responsibility and challenge.  So hopefully, within a month they will say we are doubling your pay.  That's only fair!  They have doubled the stress, work load, leadership, and responsibility.  And Jaremy has made and is making tons of money for the company!!!  It's only fair!  I know they are in a tight spot financially, but it they don't start coming through financially for their employees all the good ones are going to be forced to leave.  You can't feed your family today on future salary increases or hopes and dreams.  I don't know how to cut back any further on the budget.  We don't go anywhere, we live in the cheapest house in the valley (but I love my little cottage!), we make our own food, grow our own garden, save up to buy clothes at the D.I., we drive paid-off, old vehicles, we don't go to the movies, or anything.  We can't afford missions, braces, educations, home repairs, vehicle maintenance, etc.  Jaremy is not only stressed about work, but our finances.  It's wearing on all of us.  So something's gonna change!  It has to!

18th Anniversary

This weekend Jaremy and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary!  It was fun to get away together, relax, plan, and just enjoy being together.  We stayed at a hotel close to home for financial reasons and so we could be close to the kids in case they needed us.  We ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant, let the kids come swimming at the hotel, looked at model homes in DayBreak (with Jaremy's Mom who we amazingly bumped into), ate lunch at Costa Vida, and enjoyed just relaxing together.

I'm so blessed to have Jaremy!  He is wonderful, selfless, hardworking, and fun!  And a million more amazing things.  We are so blessed to be sealed for time and all eternity.  We are so blessed to have 9 beautiful children!  God be praised for our wonderful marriage and life together!

Contractions

Braxton Hicks contractions have started in earnest.  I'm excited my body is preparing.  For the next 10 weeks it will ramp up contractions and get my uterus fit.  It is a bit exhausting though.  Everytime I get up or move around it seems to trigger a contraction.  They are painless, but make me winded and make me feel like sitting back down.  I am so ridiculously tired.  I can't sleep at night.  I sometimes just cry because I'm so tired but my body won't let me sleep.  I'm starting to dread the night.  Last night I tried everything I could think of for hours then I just gave up and did the dishes at 3:45am.  After that and a cup of warm milk I was able to sleep for a few hours.  Oh, how nice that was!  But now the day is upon me.  There is so much to do!  And I feel like just going back to bed.  And every time I do get up and start going so do my contractions and I just feel like a big wimp.  I pray Heavenly Father will help me.  It is hard to keep my spirits up when I feel so tired and useless, but I'm grateful for this challenge.  Thank goodness it is about nap time.  Of course, that doesn't mean my legs won't torture me and make sleep impossible, but it is worth a try.

Pillows

What a tender mercy pillows are when you are pregnant!  Nights are very difficult! But I have hot baths, lots of pillows, a warm house, an indoor bathroom, a place to stretch and jog, vitamins, and oils.  All of which help me get a bit of sleep.  Heavenly Father has blessed us with so many luxuries that help get us through.  I'm so grateful!

Skype

Skype can drive us crazy sometimes.  But I'm so grateful we have it.  It was so nice to be able to talk as a family to Jaremy in China yesterday.  It seems he has been gone so much lately.  Literally, 25% of his time this year has been spent in China.  And even when he is home he has been working 90 weeks.  I know sometimes are just like this.  And that's okay, we are fine.  But I sure hope it doesn't last too long.  It's starting to wear on us.  We all miss him.  Hopefully, there will be some big breakthroughs at work and a big pay increase.  We are holding on to that hope.  But in case it doesn't work out we are keeping other options open (like moving to the great state of Texas).  I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for the excitement of this life.  I'm grateful He has blessed us with technology that lets our family communicate instantly even from around the world.  We are so amazingly blessed.

Mulch

We do not produce enough manure and organic matter on our tiny half acre to feed our gardens.  So we simply asked our neighbors if they had extra grass clippings, manure, branches, leaves, etc. we could use for mulch.  They have been so sweet.  We have lots coming in.  Some are very grateful to get rid of the stuff.  Most people in our area don't garden much, let alone organically.  I'm grateful Heavenly Father has commanded us to garden.  I love it!  I'm also grateful the Lord has placed us in a wonderful neighborhood.

Terrific Day

We have worked hard together today!  We have gotten a lot done and have enjoyed the time.  The kids are in the kitchen putting freshly painted cabinet doors back.  They are gorgeous red!  The kitchen is looking better all the time!  All the nasty carpet has been ripped out of my bedroom, the hallways, and stairway.  Hurray!  It takes for ever to remove all the staples and nails and repair the trim paint.  Everything isn't done, but at least my bed isn't covered in grim and buried in stuff tonight!  Things are really coming along.  I hope Jaremy will be pleased.  He works so hard for us!

Heavenly Father has given us such a good life!  I'm grateful He has blessed me with the colors I love right in my own kitchen.  So fun!

Focus

Life is full of many distractions.  Should we move, should we change jobs, should we buy this or that, movies, news, phone calls, etc. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father helps me realize what needs to be worked on today.  When I pray for His help as I study and decide what to do today He helps me simplify and be realistic.  He helps remind me it's not just about accomplishing, but about showing lots of love along the way.  We can get a lot done on the to-do list, but it I've been ornery with the kids, we've gone backwards.  So I pray today as we paint and rip out carpet that I can remember to be sweet and kind with my dear ones.

Week of Work

I'm so excited to attack the to-do list this week.  We get to paint, rip out bushes, plant berries, build stuff, remove carpet, and have tons of fun.  Jaremy is gone to China.  So we keep extra busy to surprise him.  Also we do things that cause upheaval (like painting floors and such), so that he doesn't have to deal with the chaos and late dinners they cause.  Also I don't look so great with my hair slicked back and in my paint clothes.  So it's best he not be here when we do these projects.

I'm so grateful Heavenly Father has taught us work is divine.  I love it!

Rainy Campout

Jaremy is the Scout Master in our ward.  He is taking the boys camping tonight, in the rain.  Fun! Fun!  Not!  They will probably have fun, but it sounds miserable to me.  My calling is much easier:  teaching Primary.  I'm so grateful I have a husband who fulfills his callings and loves the Lord.

A Day for Reflection

Yesterday was a huge day of painting.  Of course, it is only one of many the kitchen will need.  It wore me out.  So today I'm taking it much slower.  I've been looking at some properties in Austin, TX.  It's just a silly distraction I'm sure, but you never know.  I've listened to the news. Now I'm going to finish preparing my primary lesson and read my patriarchal blessing.

Then I want to go on a big walk and start to build up my strength and endurance for labor.  I've been so bad this pregnancy: eating too much, exercising too little. But I can and will turn this around.  From now on I will keep my promise to Heavenly Father not to eat sweets and chocolate, not in any amount.  I've slacked off the last few months.  Also I will limit my calories to a healthy 1400.  I will make careful choices.  I will exercise 45-60 minutes a day and build up to 3 hours of walking/hiking.  I will build up to wogging a 5K and run a 5K twice a week until the baby is born.  I will get down to 135 healthy pounds by the time I deliver.  This will help me sleep better, breathe better, and function better all around.  It will help insure the baby's health as well.  It will also help me be strong for future pregnancies and life in general.  This means lots of raw food, breathing and relaxing, and exercise.  Wonderful!  I'm so grateful for the challenges of caring for our physical bodies.  I know Heavenly Father has and will help me as I stretch and discipline myself.

Painting the Kitchen

Today we are all reading our scriptures, cleaning up, and getting some basics done before we attack the kitchen.  We need to take down wallpaper and paint walls, cabinets, and floor.  We will see how far we can get.  We need to be done by the time Jaremy gets home from work.  He has so sticking much on his plate we don't want to add another distraction or worry.  So we will do what we can and have it cleaned up by the time he gets home for scouts.  We will finish our projects while he is in China next week so he won't have to be bothered with the insanity.  Home improvement projects always produce quite a bit of chaos.  But it is such a treat to work with my sweet children and see the improvements we can make.  Heavenly Father has blessed us with supplies, health, and energy so that we can get things done and improve our surroundings.  He has also blessed us with the enjoyment of working with each other.

Amazing Kids

It has been so nice to be able to assign big jobs to my older children.  Right now Benjamin and Moroni are setting up cages, nesting boxes, and a watering system for the rabbits we will get this spring.  They are designing, sawing, drilling, mounting, etc.  They are doing it all from the things we already have on hand.  Jessica and Natalie can also be given complicated assignments and pull them off beautifully.  I'm so grateful for their skills, hard work, and creativity.

Blessings of Tithing

Elder Bednar's talk has been such a blessing this past while.  It is like it was given just for us.  I'm so grateful Heavenly Father is teaching us to be more resourceful, more creative, more content.  Sometimes I'd rather money just fall from the sky and solve all our problems, but not much character would be developed that way.  The Lord is helping us develop things that really matter.  It is hard to appreciate that sometimes, because I feel so pressured to have the things I feel we need temporally.  I'm grateful the Lord isn't near-sighted like us mortals.  I'm grateful He does what is best for us.  I pray I can trust Him fully and stop whining.  I came to earth to become like God and do His will, not to be pampered and given my every worldly whim.  I'm grateful He has reminded me of this.

Laneys' Move

Kami and Shane have decided to move.  They are not sure if they are going to Boise, Idaho or Austin, Texas.  They want us to follow them.  We said we would try if it was Texas.  Idaho is great but we already know what is there.  No adventure factor.  In reality, we will probably be staying here for quite awhile.  Jaremy has great opportunities at his job right now.  And getting a new job is a ton of work and worry.  However, who knows?  It is a small company and going through a tough time.  We have great hopes it will eventually succeed gloriously, but it might go down too.  Who knows?  The Lord knows!  And we plead with Him to provide and put us where He wants us.  It is such a comfort to know that the Lord will lead and guide us and give us the opportunities and challenges we need.  In the meantime, we will really miss the Laneys.