Desire to Do More

I always have nagging thoughts that I need to do more. I never feel satisfied. We have nine beautiful children, but I feel I should be able to adopt many more and help more dear children. I should be able to somehow earn all the money 21 children would require. I should be able to run a farm and be self-sufficient, homeschool the kids until they earn scholarships and enter college at age 14, be 115 pounds of lean, strong flesh, go to the temple once a week, do tons of family history work, bring the missionaries a new investigator every month, and put together newborn humanitarian kits by the hundreds each year. All wonderful goals and desires! Yet as of yet I haven't been blessed with the means, time, or circumstances to do all these things. So I feel guilty constantly! Somehow I need to understand what the Lord wants me to feel. I know He wants us to strive and be diligent, but surely He wants us to feel at peace with the good we have been able to do. Yes, my best will get better, but I need to feel content with doing the best I can with what I am and with what I've got today. I need to remember life isn't all about dramatic moves, changes, callings, prospering, and accomplishments. Just small improvements, increases, assignments week eventually lead to eternal life. I always hoped I could serve in amazing places, do good with mountains of wealth, and basically save the world. But Heavenly Father needs me to be humble and realize I'm not all that. He needs me to serve in what I consider to be boring Herriman, with just enough resources to get by. I need to be content, grateful, and satisfied. Not guilty, dissatisfied, anxious, or bored. Once again I must remember I feel extremely antsy and discontented every year at this season (cabin fever, I suppose). I pray Heavenly Father will help me sort out my feelings, do better, and be satisfied to serve humbly the best I can.