Failure

I have set some goals and been working like crazy on them. But my temper seems to be getting worse not better, I am not losing weight or saving money. All around Ivy 'n Pine I am surrounded by disgusting flooring, ripped, ugly wallpaper, dead grass, and weeds. Adelynn is sleeping no more than an hour at a time. It seems every interaction with my children annoys or enrages me! I feel I am so swamped at home that I am not contributing to my community or world, which needs some help. The world around me screams, "FAILURE!!!" I feel like throwing in the towel. I am questioning my judgment and ability in every aspect of my life. It seems I can't even form sentences or pronounce words.  My poor family!

So today I am fasting and praying yet again! I am struggling with hope that I can change. I've been trying so long, but you wouldn't know it. I'm passing for help to speak and act kindly. Oh, how I need the Lord's help! I must believe He can and will help me. I can't give up! I can't despair! There it's no faith, or hope or charity in how I am feeling. Maybe it is hormones because usually I am full of hope. But lately I have let Satan tempt me in to thinking what had hope bought me. What has changed because of it? So I must repent! And turn my heart to the Lord.