Since we moved and I started homeschooling all the kids parenting has become challenging. Two of my children and I have been having a rough time with obedience, motivation, selfishness, and anger. It's been miserable sometimes. It's hard to have the Spirit with you when you let anger enter the picture. I must teach and train, but holding my expectations high while holding my temper down low has proved difficult.
I know every parent has times when a child refuses to obey them, refuses to work, refuses to be part of the team. I know I gave my mother grief as a teenager who was "too busy" to spend five minutes vacuuming the floor or helping with dishes. I know it is difficult to concentrate on a task you don't want to do or feel overwhelmed by. But I need a good attitude and a good effort.
As a parent I need more faith not fear. I overreact because I think, "This attitude will kill them as adults. This behavior shows such a lack of gratitude. They will go to hell if they continue doing this. It is critical they get over this now and get a grip! I'm failing as a parent. If they won't even listen to me now and have such a stinking attitude now what in the world is it going to be like when they become teenagers. Etc. etc." I need to realize we all have our own faults and we all have to overcome them. Just because we make mistakes or struggle with our attitudes and pride doesn't mean we are doomed. I know I struggled growing up. I overcame some of those faults and I'm still battling others. I need to have more hope and patience.
The other day I was being completely disobeyed. So I retreated to pray. I didn't want to lose my temper, yet something had to be done. After I prayed I called the culprit up to pray with me. I didn't feel like praying or loving someone who had done nothing but give me grief all morning, but in silent prayer I pleaded for that to change. I felt to ask the child to pray. The child asked for help obeying Mom. I said a prayer afterward. I felt Heavenly Father place in my heart the child's talents. I sincerely thanked Heavenly Father for this individual and for how they contributed to our family. Before the prayer I didn't feel like they had been contributing at all, but Heavenly Father softened my heart and opened my eyes. After we finished praying I was filled with love.
This wonderful moment didn't solve everything. But I'm determined not to lecture or lose my temper. I must teach and listen and be patient.
We have had other issues with another child. I prayed and felt inspired to share certain scriptures. However, when I did it was given and received as a lecture. I'm not very good at this. I sinned by saying, "Do you want to turn out like Grandpa So and So?" Not a kind thing to the child or their grandpa. When will I be able to teach without pride or righteous anger (which of course is anything but righteous)? When will I be filled with love and the Spirit as I teach and tenderly train? I'm really struggling. Sometimes I feel if they weren't with me they would be better off. Of course, that is Satan's idea. I just need to completely destroy my pride and humble myself and love fully and freely. I plead with Heavenly Father for this gift. My children deserve a better mother. I must become that better mother.
I just know we are on the verge of a breakthrough!!!
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